I’ve been going back and forth with what I wanted to write on the blog today. I feel that’s always the biggest battle with blogging…what to write. Every blog I write is always close to my heart and I somehow felt inspired to write about that topic. Maybe, that’s why I am giving you a preface to this blog. I could easily give out advice or tell you about a great experience I’ve had but I feel lead to write a very personal blog post and it’s not going to be an easy one to write.

I am an adrenaline lead person. I love to do things that get my blood pumping and where I feel as if I have no control. I have a growing bucket list that always has accomplishments crossed off but truly is never ending. I worked at a camp where I taught kids to be independent and to go for what they wanted. Sometimes, that was teaching those teens how to do something daring and adventurous and other times it was teaching them to make a simple meal as a team. The teens were not the only people learning something on those weeks. My personal growth expanded each and every week I was with them. I was constantly problems solving and getting my kids to come up with a solution. It was very humbling working out at my camp but I learned something about myself.

I am a fearful person.

That truly is very hard for me to say…type. I don’t like feeling like I always have to watch my back or think about the responsible things to do. Throughout college I was “that girl” who made sure everyone was okay after getting back from a night out instead of having a good time myself, constantly being called Mom. Letting go and feeling empowered by the moment just wasn’t an option for me. I had more to think about…what would people think about me if they saw me partying? What would people think of me if I failed a class? How am I supposed to enjoy myself if I have so much work to do?

These are questions that I thought of daily…more than daily! Constantly. I constantly doubted my abilities to do things correctly and it was because I lived in fear. In fear of consequences, wrong answers and disappointing the people I love. AND LET ME TELL YOU! That is tiring!! I spent a lot of my time wondering and questioning when I could have been taking action. I could have been enjoying the person I was and what I wanted to do. I did what people expected of me because that’s all I knew how to do and because of that I felt that lack of empowerment and excitement. I lived day to day in a mediocre place and considered that to be a “happy” place for me.

FLASH FORWARD to my camp experience where I am basically preaching to kids about taking risks and being adventurous and here I sit realizing that I am not taking my own advice. I was afraid to participate in the activities planned because they were dangerous. I had to push that fear aside and show those kids that I supported their fears as well. I had to realize that my fears of what others though and all of the possible consequences couldn’t matter. I had to be the role model, the adrenaline junkie and the one setting the example so I could coach these kids into taking a risk and enjoying the life God gave them.

With my fears pushed aside, I was happy. I went wind surfing and felt the breeze carry my sail and I felt EMPOWERED. Those kids saw me take the lead and within a few minutes they were right behind me…with their fear pushed aside, feeling the same empowerment I felt.
Which leads me to today. I sit back and look at that memory all the time. Of course, I am still driven by fear BUT I have moments where I push that fear aside and feel empowered. My first bridal show, I was a nervous wreck. I had no earthly idea how I was going to introduce myself to hundreds of brides and get them to want to book my photography. Again, I went through the list of questions through my head. What will they think of me? What if I don’t book anything? And to make matters worse I was the FIRST vendor that they were going to see. The moment of truth came when I saw a heard of brides and their families marching down the stairs. I saw their faces and most of them seemed excited but I could see some were nervous as well. It was an epiphany for me, these girls are just like me. I said to myself “Heather, push your fear aside and feel empowered” and that’s exactly what I did!

I booked two weddings that day and I felt inspired, empowered and frankly pretty awesome! It just goes to show you how we can’t spend our lives in a box. 1. It would be pretty boring if we did and 2. That means we let our fear get in the way of personal growth and life experiences. So don’t let your fear constrict you of your dreams rather let your fear empower you to be the person you want to be.

Make sure to check out my website! heather-michellephotography.com